Tuesday, February 16, 2010
In the past few months, I have learned of 10 people who are pregnant or recently had a baby. Today, I found out that a couple in our support group had a successful placement. I am truly happy for everyone who is expecting or recently had an addition to their family. When I told friends that I am happy for these people, people were surprised about my 'gracious attitude'. Do I have a gracious attitude? Yes, I am happy for friends and family members who have their dream of a child. Just because I am happy for them does not mean that I am not sad for me. I try hard to present a positive front, to take everything in stride and not let on that this waiting is eating me up inside. I don't let on that everytime I hear of a pregnancy I have a little crying fit. Everyday I walk through the door I check my messages, hoping for a call. Everyday I'm disappointed. So am I gracious? I suppose, because I am happy for those who are able to have their precious bundle of joy and I have no right to take that happiness away from them. At the same time, please know that despite the happy face I put on the outside, I am crying inside.
at 6:15 PM